Fallen

The past lives we call childhood are written in blood on the headstones we work in
whose pyramid points try to prick the sky designed to keep the moon at bay.
And all of this is new testament made canon by the state of my knees.
Scars that breathe stigmata each time I see headlights crest hills
Because the knowledge that it is not a car on the other side but a fire breathing dragon,
Is embedded as deeply in my heart as knee kissed gravel on my tenth birthday
When I got a bike.
That was really a spaceship
That flew me to the moon and Mars and Jupiter,
Back when Jupiter still played with the planets
And heavenly objects shared the playground of space as equals.
Back when blood was a badge
And bruises were medals
And devils never paid rent for our shoulder space because we were angels
And spacemen
And princes and princesses.
We were anything til the day we died and became something.

And now the only chance you have of realizing this is to spend 24 hours straight with anyone Under the age of twelve.
And abide for a time by these commandments,
Drawn on your white washed wall in crayola colors you never knew existed.

I. Never eat cereal with less than three colors, and only then after you’ve gotten the toy from the bottom.
And no opening the box from the bottom, that’s cheating.
II. Once you’re done eating, go outside.
III. Find a stick and fight an army.
IV. Win.
V. If its raining, jump in puddles otherwise take a shower with your clothes on.
VI. Make a mess.

See
We are not fallen, we are only stumbling.
Bumbling around holding our humanity
And everything that makes us beautiful with eggshell fingertips.
That are not needed because we are strong.
The fire that was kindled inside you when you were young,
The absolute strength that carried you on its shoulders to places you never thought you couldn’t go is still there.
You are beautiful.
You are strong in heart if you choose to be so
So take my eyes and use them as your mirror.
Because I will give all my sight so you can see you in truth.

You are beautiful.
And if you grow up, do not grow all the way.
Because the day will come when you will need to be a child.
And love someone no one else does,
Believe in something no one else does,
Or you will be voted by other grownups to watch the movie "the mighty ducks" with the kids because it’s “your turn”.
But you have fooled them. Because you fucking love that movie.
Because you are still a child
Because you are innocence
Because you just don’t care
So grow your hair long, and don’t wear shoes on the weekends.
Carry action figures in your briefcase and use them as bookends
Laugh in the face of someone laughing at you until you both forget what was funny
And keep laughing.
Because you are a bright and brilliant star in the black absence of anything
And you do not fear death
Because who doesn’t want to go to a farm filled with every pet you’ve ever had?
And you do not fear death,
Because that’s who you were for Halloween and it wasn’t bad at all.
And you do not fear death,

You do not fear death, because you are alive
And you are alive because you have chosen to be
Not just because you were born.

Not looking forward to things

I'm talking with my dad tomorrow night. Really not looking forward to it.

Recently I've been wishing I had a normal childhood... or at least a childhood I looked back on happily. Or at least... I wish the majority of memories I had involving my parents was good.

So essentially I've been feeling sorry for myself

One of the things I've really been thinking over is how my family has changed... I mean the definition...

My family before Ashley and iris was my brothers and parents. Now, it's Ashley and Iris. And my family is my main priority...

Now I'm just emotionally vomitting...

This is the post that doesn't make sense to any of you...

And I'm done.

Basically, I wish I could have a relationship with my parents that I see from people like... The Temples. Or The Wortley's...

Okay, now I'm done.

Sick Baby

Nothing to really post here... Went on a bike ride with the super cool Kiel Schmidt. Super cool guy, took me around downtown. Made me want to plan a bike event where we hit up good food and super cool buildings... We ended up at the Security Bank Building for a tour of the lofts... We drank wine... I enjoyed myself. Even met some more super cool people! Pretty excellent evening...

Iris is sick, so we're at home watching netflix. She's cuddly and I love that... Ashley is taking a well deserved night off and going out with Sheree...

Good times.

Signing off...

I don't know Latin

So starting over...

Fresh...

Feels good...

I used to think I had to be super poetic, and insightful, and deep and know some cool greek and latin phrases in order to blog... I don't think that's so much true anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love all that... And I love the blogs that can do that. I just can't do it 100% of the time. And when I couldn't, I wouldn't post. So blogs would die...

Now I'm just gonna write...

Hopefully I figure out some main topics for discussion, but even if I don't. I'll probably still write.

Cause it's fun... and I haven't done it in a while.

Things you can expect from this blog are as follows.

1. Pictures of my daughter.
2. posts about biking and good Fresno bike routes
3. Poetry
4. Random, creepy glimpses into the mind of The Cabe...

Booyeah.